This time last year, a bassinet sat empty in my bedroom. It was a painful reminder my daughter was elsewhere. Her physical body laid to rest, but her spirit with Jesus. As comforting as that is, it didn’t make it easier. At least, not at the time. It’s currently been over a year. And I can look back and remember how much it hurt, how much I cried, and just how painful the loss felt.
I think getting through the first year was the hardest. Facing each day, holiday, and anniversary without her. Trying to be happy and joyous for my other children. Then once the year mark passed, I was left with a now what? feeling. I no longer counted each month. In one way, it was a feat, and in another way, I wondered if I was going to forget her.
Don’t get me wrong, I am sad she’s not with us. But it’s not as heavy and painful as it once was. The wound is no longer fresh, rather much healing has taken place. I attribute that healing to God’s word. For inside the book we call The Bible, I found comfort, wisdom, and guidance. God provided those things in His word. Grief is one of the most difficult things we may ever face. It takes so much faith and hope to keep going. And to navigate grief on your own. I can’t imagine!
I utilized different things to get me though that difficult time. My husband and I attended Grief Share classes, talked through things, and I tried to do things I enjoy such as riding horses. But it also helped me tremendously to write things down. That is how my new book came to be- 112 Minutes of Miracle.
This book is an intimate walk through a painful time in my life. Part of me hates for people to have that look into my innermost thoughts and emotions. But my hope and prayer is that it finds its way into the hands that need it most. That it helps others and gives glory to God.
If you’ve lost someone or know someone who’s experienced loss, there is light and joy again. No circumstance is the same, but I’ve seen others who’ve experienced tragedy overcome and turn it for good.
I don’t find the story of losing Anna all sad. I find her story to be an honest, true account of what losing a child feels like for a mother. But how a loving God walks with His children, too. Especially in their most desperate and painful moments. You see, God is not a distant, far off deity. He is a loving Father who cares for our hurts. I found that, even through it all, there was beauty and joy. It almost sounds crazy, but I will always be grateful for having her. Even for only 112 minutes.